Letting Go: What Keeps You Stuck and What Actually Helps You Move Forward
Letting go is a phrase we hear all the time. “Just let it go.” “Move on.” “Stop dwelling on it.” But if you’ve ever tried to do that and still felt completely stuck—mentally, emotionally, or even physically—you know it’s not that simple.
You might be stuck in overthinking, past relationships, unresolved pain, guilt, fear, or an old identity you’ve outgrown. You might tell yourself, I should be over this by now, but no matter how much time has passed, it still feels present.
This isn’t because you’re weak.
It’s not a failure of willpower.
It’s your nervous system—and your brain—trying to protect you.
Why Letting Go Feels So Hard
From a psychological perspective, difficulty letting go is often connected to how the brain processes distressing or overwhelming experiences. When something emotionally significant happens—especially when it’s unexpected, chronic, or happened in a vulnerable moment—your mind and body may store it as an unresolved event.
Even if the situation is over, your nervous system might still react as if it’s happening now. That’s why you might feel flooded, anxious, frozen, or exhausted when you think about it. Your system hasn’t had a chance to fully process and resolve what happened.
This can show up as:
• Obsessive thoughts or replaying conversations
• Guilt or shame that doesn’t match the present moment
• Fear of repeating the past
• Avoiding certain people, places, or choices
• Staying small, quiet, or over-responsible in relationships
• Chronic tension or burnout
In short: your mind might know the past is over, but your body still feels like it’s not.
How Therapy Helps You Move Forward
Letting go isn’t about forgetting or pretending it didn’t hurt. It’s about giving yourself the internal safety and clarity to release what’s no longer serving you.
Therapy helps you do this through two essential processes:
1. Making Meaning + Shifting Patterns
Sometimes the thoughts that keep us stuck are shaped by old beliefs we didn’t choose—like “It was my fault,” “I can’t trust anyone,” or “I always mess things up.”
Therapy helps you gently examine these beliefs and understand where they came from. This isn’t about blaming the past—it’s about freeing yourself from it. With support, you can develop a new internal dialogue that’s more grounded in self-trust, self-compassion, and reality.
This is where cognitive work (like CBT) can be powerful. It helps interrupt the feedback loop of overthinking and teaches your mind how to reframe, re-anchor, and move forward.
2. Resolving the Emotional Charge
Even after insight and awareness, you may still feel stuck. That’s because insight alone doesn’t always release the emotional or somatic (body-based) memory.
If part of your system still feels like, “If I let this go, I won’t be safe,” you’ll likely hold on—no matter how much you want to move on.
This is where deeper trauma-informed work, like EMDR, comes in. EMDR helps the brain finish processing stuck experiences. Using gentle, structured methods, it allows the mind and body to update outdated fear responses, so they no longer dominate your present.
Many clients describe this part of the process as “finally being able to breathe again,” or “not reacting to things that used to send me spiraling.” It’s not about erasing the past. It’s about finally being free from it.
What Letting Go Can Look Like
Letting go isn’t one big dramatic moment. It’s a series of small, quiet shifts where:
• You stop trying to make sense of something that never did
• You feel less urgency around fixing, controlling, or proving
• Your body feels less tense—even when you think about the hard stuff
• You no longer abandon yourself to stay connected to others
• You begin to trust that peace doesn’t mean danger
You don’t forget what happened. But it stops running the show.
You’re Not Broken—You’re Protecting Yourself
The parts of you that hold on are usually the parts that once had to survive uncertainty, chaos, or loss. Letting go might have felt dangerous back then. Therapy honors those protective parts while also helping you update them—so they no longer dictate your present.
Letting go becomes possible when your system feels safe, supported, and ready. Therapy helps you get there—at your pace, in your way.
If you’ve been feeling stuck, it doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means there’s still something that needs care, curiosity, and compassion.
You don’t have to stay in the loop. You can move forward—with support.