What Is Trauma? Understanding the Big and Small “T”s
What Is Trauma? Understanding the Big and Small “T”s
And why you don’t have to wait for it to “be bad enough” to get help.
When most people hear the word trauma, they think of dramatic, catastrophic events — war, abuse, accidents, or violence. These are real, serious experiences. But trauma isn’t only what happened to you — it’s what happened inside of you as a result.
You don’t need to have survived a disaster to be living with trauma. You might just feel stuck, anxious, disconnected, or like you’re “too sensitive.” If so, you’re not alone.
What Is Trauma, Really?
Trauma is any experience that overwhelms your nervous system’s ability to cope — leaving you feeling unsafe, powerless, or alone. That may be one major incident, or it may be a pattern over time. In other words, trauma isn’t defined by the event — it’s defined by the impact.
Big T vs. small t Trauma
In clinical settings, we often talk about “Big T” and “small t” trauma. This doesn’t mean one matters more than the other — both can shape your sense of safety, identity, and emotional regulation.
Big T Trauma
These are life-threatening or deeply shocking events that often lead to PTSD or acute stress symptoms:
• Physical or sexual abuse
• Assault or violence
• Car accidents
• Natural disasters
• War or combat
• Life-threatening medical events
• Witnessing death or serious injury
small t trauma
These are chronic, relational, or identity-based experiences that may not be “traumatic” by definition, but still have a lasting emotional impact:
• Infidelity or betrayal
• Chronic invalidation in childhood
• Racial microaggressions or identity-based harm
• Emotional neglect
• Divorce or family estrangement
• Being bullied or socially rejected
• Constant pressure to perform or be perfect
• Having to parent a parent (role reversal)
• Financial instability or chronic scarcity
• Losing a support system or being uprooted
• High-conflict relationships or emotional gaslighting
It’s important to understand that even though something like infidelity might not be categorized as a “Big T” trauma — the nervous system often experiences it like one. The pain is real, and the symptoms are valid.
How Trauma Might Be Showing Up in Your Life
Trauma doesn’t always scream. Sometimes it whispers:
• “Why do I freeze when someone gets mad at me?”
• “Why can’t I relax, even when things are okay?”
• “Why do I keep choosing people who hurt me?”
• “Why do I feel like I’m overreacting all the time?”
Other times, it shows up more physically or emotionally:
• Anxiety, irritability, or racing thoughts
• Over-functioning or perfectionism
• Fatigue or emotional numbness
• Difficulty setting boundaries or saying no
• Trouble sleeping, digesting, or staying present
These responses are not personal failures — they’re adaptations. And they can change.
How EMDR Helps
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is a form of therapy designed to help the brain and body reprocess distressing experiences — not just talk about them. Whether your trauma is a single event or a slow accumulation of small t wounds, EMDR can help you:
• Reduce the emotional charge of past memories
• Shift deeply ingrained beliefs like “I’m not safe” or “It’s my fault”
• Regulate your nervous system
• Feel less reactive and more connected to the present
• Reclaim a sense of peace and wholeness
If You’re Wondering Whether Your Story “Counts” — It Does
You don’t need a diagnosis to deserve help. You don’t have to wait until you’re falling apart. If your body feels off, your emotions feel stuck, or something in you knows you’re not okay — you’re allowed to seek support.
I work with women who are navigating both Big T and small t trauma — including relational wounds, identity-based harm, burnout, anxiety, people-pleasing, and feeling stuck in old roles.
I offer online EMDR therapy for adult women . I offer secure, online therapy for women in Michigan, Missouri, Colorado, Texas, and South Carolina. Whether you’re feeling stuck in your career, relationships, or personal growth, I’m here to help you break free. You don’t have to know exactly what you’re healing from to begin — we’ll figure that out together.